Cause and Effect: The Tragic Fate of Emmanuel the Octopus

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Prologue You are about to embark on an interesting journey. Your journey may be long, or it may be very short. It depends on how long you survive. This story consists of 4 main timelines. Each of those timelines branch off into many others, depending on which path you decide to take. Your goal is the get a happy ending. If you are on a page that says, “The end” with a smiley face (like this ☺), that means you have achieved a happy ending. If you are on a page that says, “The end”, without a happy face…. well then, God save you. Anything could happen in this “game”. You could become a cannibal, discover Atlantis, solve a murder mystery, become CEO of the largest company in the world, or end up fighting for the entirety of mankind against an enraged fish. Those are just a few things that may happen, but it all depends on you. Your journey may seem lighthearted at first. “Oh yay, we’re playing a ‘choose-your-own-adventure game!’” However, this is not a game. This is your only chance to change your fate for the better. All 4 main timelines are linked together in some way. See if you can solve the mystery, and save Emanuel the Octopus. He is in space, and losing life as we speak. Please help him. He is my only friend. Good luck. [[Next|Gender]] [[Main Menu | menu]]

Choose your gender: a. [[Boy|3]] b. [[Girl|185]] c. [[Robot|4]] d. [[Fish|2]]

You wake up on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. You have some supplies with you. And by some supplies, I mean just a chocolate bar. You’re hungry. What will you do about that? a. [[Eat the chocolate bar|8]] b. [[Go fishing|12]] c. [[Eat your own arm|9]] d. [[Drown yourself|10]] e. [[Do nothing|11]]

You are a girl named Mai. It rhymes with pie, in case you didn’t know. You are sitting in the middle of a forest, meditating. You are a strong fighter. You hear growling in the forest. Suddenly… a tiger leaps out. a. [[Punch the tiger out|uncomplete]] b. [[Snap the tiger’s neck|uncomplete]] c. [[Make friends with the tiger|186]]

You wake up in a lab in New York City. You are a robot. You see a man in a white coat. The man says “My son! You finally work! This is wonderful! Welcome to the world, Tom!” What will you do? a. [[Run Away|5]] b. [[Kill the man|93]]

You are a fish named Guadeloupe. You are hit by a level 2 Extreme Booty Ball™. You die. The end. [[restart|Start]]

You eat the chocolate bar. It contains yummy, crunchy nuts. You’re allergic to nuts. You die. Game over. [[restart|Start]]

You decide to go fishing, even though you don’t have any means of doing that. You unwrap the chocolate bar and hold it under the water, hoping a fish will take the b8. Sure enough, one does. Forgetting that the reason you went fishing was to feed your empty stomach, you name the fish “Guadeloupe”. You then remember you are starving, but you can’t eat Guadeloupe because you’ve become too close. So, you try to fish for other fish, but every time you’re about to eat one, you look at Guadeloupe’s big, sad eyes. You can’t eat those fish because they are Guadeloupe’s comrades. You don’t know what to do next. It’s hopeless, you’re going to die out here. You turn around to see that the boat has reached shore: a tropical island with a dense jungle. “Land ho” Guadeloupe whispers sensually. a. [[Explore the jungle|170]] b. [[Eat Guadeloupe|13]]

You rip off your right arm and eat it, even though you are right-handed and you’ll probably need it. It’s surprisingly tasty. Unfortunately, you’re bleeding out now. After an hour or so, you bleed to death. Game over. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide you’d rather drown than die of starvation. You jump into the ocean. You sink down further and further. Suddenly, you see…. a city! It must be Atlantis! a. [[Float down and investigate|132]] b. [[Continue to drown|131]]

You decide to do absolutely nothing about your empty stomach. After a few hours, you die. Game over. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to explore the island. You grab Guadeloupe by the head and run into the jungle. Inside, you discover an ancient temple. The door is made of solid stone, about 5 feet thick, and its sealed shut. You throw Guadeloupe at the door, causing the stone door to shatter into pieces. Guadeloupe stands up without any injuries, but he seems a bit dazed. “Come on, bubby” you say, and you both head into the temple. The door regenerates behind you. You’re trapped. There is no light at all. You stumble around the dark to try to find torches or something. You trip over a bump on the ground, and fall. You fall down and down. It seems to never stop. You fall for a solid 6 hours. You fall in some sort of liquid. You hear a splash as Guadeloupe hits the liquid as well. You swim around in the dark for a while, before finding dry land. You stand up and look around, but there’s no light, so you can’t look around. You can hear Guadeloupe flopping around behind you. Suddenly, a blinding light flashes in your eyes. In front of you, you can see a tribe of tribal aliens. They’ve been examined. The tribe leader, named Phaimnop, raises his hand into the air. He says “Greetings, human and fish.” a. [[Pick a fight with the aliens|172]] b. [[Runaway|171]]

You’re so hungry, you can’t resist it. You eat Guadeloupe. But it gives you a bad case of diarrhea. You run off into the jungle to take a poo. As you’re doing that, the guilt gets to you: You ate Guadeloupe. You are a monster. Even the trees seem to look at you with disgust. You decide to build a spear with which to end your own life. Just as you finish making it… cannibals emerge from the bushes and surround you! a. [[Attack the cannibals with your spear|15]] b. [[Kill yourself with the spear|16]] c. [[Take a poop because you still have diarrhea|14]]

Atlantis! Awesome! You swim over to it. Just then, you are hit in the head with a harpoon. You black out. You hear a man’s deep voice saying, “Well done, Tom, you’ve discovered it finally… the boss will be happy to hear…” When you wake up, you are in your bed, in your room, all alone. So, it was all just a bad dream. You stand up and look around. “Is this really my room?” you ask. You don’t know if it is, of course, because you’ve had extreme amnesia since you woke up on the boat. You reach over to your bedside table and pick up your glasses and put them on. You look over at a table on the other side of the room. It has a few weapons on it. You should take one before you leave the room. Which one will you take? a. [[The energy blaster|133]] b. [[The katana|147]] c. [[The corgi|156]]

You decide that Atlantis probably isn’t that great a place anyway. So, you don’t swim over to it. Instead, you run out of air and die. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to fight back! You lunge at the cannibals with your spear. You manage to kill 2 or 3 of them before they overpower you. They eat you for dinner later that night. Game over. [[Restart|Start]]

You’re just about to kill yourself with the spear, when suddenly the cannibals look horrified. “NO!” one of them shouts, “Don’t throw your life away! Come, be a cannibal with us!” a. [[Become a cannibal with them|18]] b. [[Continue killing yourself|17]]

You squat down to take a poop. The cannibals take this opportunity to attack! They eat you for dinner later that night. Game over. [[Restart|Start]]

You have become a cannibal. What next? a. [[Commit to life as a cannibal|176]] b. [[Kill all the other cannibals in a surprise attack|19]]

You stab yourself with the spear and die. The cannibals eat you for dinner late that night. Game over. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide that life as a cannibal might be fun. You learn that the name of this island is Ayapap Island. Every 3 years, your tribe holds a fighting tournament to decide the new tribe leader, and the strongest of them all. You decide to compete in the tournament. You train tirelessly for that day. In a week’s time, the tournament starts. Your first opponent is a guy called Chopper. He’s big. Ready? Fight! a. [[Uppercut|178]] b. [[Defensive position|177]]

You were just pretending to be on their side! You kill them all, and decide to turn over a new leaf and move to New York City to start a fresh life. What now? a. [[Become a hobo|183]] b. [[Go to church to confess your sins|182]] c. [[Get a job|20]]

You decide that becoming a hobo is your best option. You walk into an alley and sit next to a trash can. You fish around in the trash can and find a sleeping raccoon. “What’s your name, little guy?” you ask, “I hope you don’t have rabies.” The raccoon looks at you and says, “I beg your pardon, I do not have rabies, I am a distinguished gentleman.” You pat him on the head. He seems disturbed by this. “Please stop that, young man.” he says. You smile and ask, “Do you want some food, little raccoon?” “I AM NOT A RACCOON!” The raccoon says sternly. Is that so? You squint at him. This is the first time you’ve had a good look at him. You find that he’s not a raccoon, but he is, in fact, a priest named Widget. “I apologize your majesty,” you say, “But what were you doing in a trash can in a dank alleyway?” Widget looks confused. “I was never in a trash can in an alleyway….” he says, “We are in a church. You look around. He’s right. You are in a church. Weird. You ask Widget if he may speak to God. He says “No, but just tell me what you want to tell him, and I will tell him your message.” You lean in close to Widget and whisper “Putty rubber.” “Putty rubber?” Widget asks, bewildered. “SHHHH!” you shout, “It’s a secret!” “Well, alright then,” the priest says, “I will tell God your message.” He closes his eyes and raises his hands towards the sky. He screams “HEY GOD, THIS GUY SAYS, ‘PUTTY RUBBER!’” Suddenly, you ascend to heaven. The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You’ve done many terrible things in your life, and it’s time to go to church to confess your sins, even though you don’t believe in God, so you’re basically just going to feel better about yourself. You enter the church and walk up to the priest. You say, “Hey I ate my best friend.” The priest slowly turns towards you and says “Pardon?” “I ate my best friend,” you repeat. He looks at you for 34 seconds before saying “Why are you telling me this?” You say, “Because you’re a priest and I’m confessing my sins.” “I’m not a priest!” he shouts. You squint closer and look at him. That’s when you notice it: This is not a priest. It’s a raccoon named Digit. He looks at you intently. Except, he’s not a he, he’s a she. She’s wearing a big, green hat, and she’s wearing a sword on her back. You decide that confessing your sins to a raccoon is better than nothing. “I ate my best friend,” you say. “STOP SAYING THAT!” Digit screams as she unsheathes her sword. The moonlight reflects off of the sword, blinding you. You decide that if the priest won’t listen, you’ll just soak yourself in holy water. You look around for the holy water, but all you find is trash cans. You’re not in a church, you’re in a dank alleyway. Digit hisses at you and charges you with her sword. Her sword slices right through you, killing you almost instantly. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You apply to work at Jam Co., the world’s number one manufacturer and distributor of jam. It is time for your job interview. You walk into your potential future boss’s office. The boss is a 46-year-old lady named Cath, short for Catholic, because that is what she is. “Sit down, Tom. Would you like a coffee?” a. [[“Yes please.”|21]] b. [[“No thank you.”|22]] c. [[“Gross!”|25]]

Cath gives you a mug of coffee. Upon further examination, you find that it is not coffee… it’s jam! “Is there a problem, Tom?” she asks. a. [[“...Uh, no…”|23]] b. [[“This is jam, not coffee!”|25]]

Cath sighs and says, “You’re such a pleb.” [[Next|23]]

“HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME?!” Cath screams. a. [[Attack Cath|27]]

“Well then. Now to the matter at hand,” she says, “You want a job he-...” She stops short, seeing the blood stains on your clothing. “What is that all over your clothes?!” she exclaims. a. [[“Oh, just some blood stains.”|26]] b. [[“It’s…… jam!”|24]]

“B-BLOOD STAINS?! IS THIS A JOKE?!” Cath screams. a. [[Attack Cath|27]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.“I see…” Cath says “Well! Congratulations! You’re hired!” Cath shows you to your cubicle and the Jam Generator™. You live a happy, full life as a middle-class worker. It’s just what Guadeloupe would have wanted…… or is it? The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

“I’ve had enough of you!” You declare, as you rise to your feet. You grab Cath by the collar and throw her out the window. She falls 671 stories and dies. You are the new CEO of Jam Co. What is your first order of business? a. [[Start a project to resurrect Guadeloupe (Cost - $4 billion)|32]] b. [[Order a pizza (Cost - $9.99)|28]] c. [[Go to church to confess your sins (Cost - $59.99)|182]]

You enter the lab where your men (and women!) are working to recreate Guadeloupe using DNA from your poop, which was recovered from the jungle island that you were on before (you learned that this island is called “Ayapap Island”). After 7 months of hard work, it’s ready: the machine to reincarnate Guadeloupe. You flip the switch. Thunder rumbles, the planet quakes, the very heavens above tremble, and there he is: Guadeloupe MK. II, in all his glory. What is the first thing you will say to him? a. [[“Please forgive me for eating you, Lord Guadeloupe!”|34]] b. [[“Welcome back, dear friend! I’ve missed you!”|36]] c. [[You don’t say anything to him. You eat him.|33]]

You pick up the phone to order a pizza. Where will you order from? a. [[Dominos|30]] b. [[Papa John’s|30]] c. [[Portsmouth Pizza Factory |29]]

What toppings do you want? a. [[None|184]] b. [[Mushrooms|184]] c. [[Pepperoni|184]] d. [[Anchovies|31]]

You call up Portsmouth Pizza Factory, only to find out that you are nowhere near Portsmouth: You are in New York. You die of grief. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You receive an amazing pizza. How adorable. You eat it all in one bite. It’s the best pizza you’ve ever had. You die a rich, happy man. The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You order a large pizza with anchovies. You are about to take a bite, when you realize: the anchovies remind you of Guadeloupe. You suddenly decide: Guadeloupe must return! [[Next|32]]

Guadeloupe never remembered that you ate him… until you mentioned it just now. He becomes enraged. And aura of pure rage surrounds his body. “It was a mistake bringing me back, you know.” Guadeloupe snarls, “Now I am 671 times as powerful as I was before! Allow me to demonstrate!” Lasers shoot out of his eyes at lightning speed, hitting a nearby scientist, and turning her into putty rubber. “YOU’RE NEXT.” Guadeloupe growls. a. [[Fight Guadeloupe|38]] b. [[Run-away|37]] c. [[Beg for mercy|35]]

You and Guadeloupe MK. II live a full life together, and even get married. The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You eat Guadeloupe. Again. Well, remember the last time you ate him, and you got a devastating case of diarrhea? Well, Guadeloupe MK. II was made by infusing his predecessor’s genes with cosmic radiation. The diarrhea is so terrible, that the first dump poops out all your innards. You die. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to fight this monstrosity. After all, it was you who brought him into this world. You’ll have to take him out. Not wanting to damage your priceless tuxedo, you remove your coat and shirt. It’s time to fight. What is your first move? a. [[Punch (Power - 30)|42]] b. [[Kick (Power - 30)|41]] c. [[Energy blast (Power - 90)|39]]

You try to run, but in a mere second, Guadeloupe shoots you with his laser, and you become putty rubber. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You get on your knees and beg for mercy. “Please! Your omnipotence! Have mercy!” You cry. Guadeloupe’s aura disappears. “Oh. Well, all right,” he says, “Let’s go get something to eat. Like chocolate bars or whatever.” [[Next|36]]

You run up and punch Guadeloupe straight in the mouth. It deals 30 damages. Not bad. Guadeloupe cries out in pain. He is then overcome by rage. He uses Dragon Blast, dealing 99,999,999,992 damages, leaving you with only 12 HP left. Now it’s your turn! You must defeat Guadeloupe with this next move, or you’re dead for sure! a. [[Mega attack: Electric Finisher (Power - 7 billion)|43]] b. [[Mega attack: Dance of the Infuriated Jelly (Power - 80 billion)|44]] c. [[Mega attack: Bill Clinton (Power - Infinity)| uncomplete]] d. [[Drink health potion|46]]

You go for a flying kick, but you don’t jump far enough. You land on the ground, dealing 60 damages to yourself. Guadeloupe’s turn. He hits you with a storm punch, dealing 700 damages. [[Next|40]]

You gather your power and shoot an energy blast out of your hands. But you miss, and hit an innocent scientist, killing him instantly. Oops. Now it’s Guadeloupe’s turn. He hits you with an ice blast, doing 671 damages. [[Next|40]]

. What is your next move? a. [[Punch (Power - 30)|42]] b. [[Kick (Power - 30)|41]] c. [[Energy blast (Power - 90)|39]]

You decide to use a mega attack. You yell “MEGA ATTACK!!! ELECTRIC FINISHER!!!” The attack does MASSIVE DAMAGE!!! But it’s not enough. Guadeloupe uses Rage Laser, finishing you off and turning you into putty rubber. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to use a mega attack. You yell “MEGA ATTACK!!! THE DANCE OF THE INFURIATED JELLY!!!” The attack does zero damage. Not bad. Guadeloupe uses Rage Laser, finishing you off and turning you into putty rubber. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You drink a health potion that you bought from a hobo when you first arrived in New York City. Hopefully he didn’t add any… special ingredients … if you know what I mean… anyways, you drink the potion and it restores… 1 HP. What a rip off! That hobo charged you sixty bucks for that thing! You thought it was a good deal at the time because the hobo claimed that drinking the potion would allow you to see the color threeve. [[Next|47]]

Guadeloupe uses Extreme Booty Ball, dealing 12 damage… but you survived with 1 HP left! So that potion did help you after all! What now?!?! a. [[Run-away|37]] b. [[Use Extreme Booty Ball level 2 (Power - A lot)|48]]] c. [[Beg for mercy|35]]

You use Extreme Booty Ball level 2. This had better work, or you’ll die and Guadeloupe MK. II will be the winner. You launch the Booty Ball at Guadeloupe, dealing 671,910,789,106,942,066,698,764,367,527,380,379,482,818,059,571,802 damage, killing him. However, the Booty Ball bounces back and hits you, dealing 3 damage, which kills you. It’s a draw. You may have defeated Guadeloupe MK. II, but it cost you your life. The End. [[Restart|Start]]

You run out the door, but not before pickpocketing $500 from the man’s pocket. You can hear the man yell “No, Tom! My son! Don’t leave me!” He then proceeds to start crying. What now? a. [[Jump out the window |6]]

There is something about this man that you don’t like very much. You convert your arm into a plasma cannon and shoot him dead. You don’t feel any guilt. You jump out of the window. [[Next|95]]

You land on a car and set off the car alarm. You see a small redhead girl standing in front of you, staring. She says, “Please sir, help me find my mum.” a. [[Agree to help|7]] b. [[Run away|97]] c. [[Kill her |94]]

You say “Ok, I’ll help. What is your name?” The girl says “My name is Cheryl. Come with me.” You follow her to her house where there appears to have been a struggle. The door’s been knocked down, there is blood everywhere, and the furniture is busted up. a. [[Grab a bite to eat|49]]]

You decide that running might be fun. You decide to live life on the run. You’re running on the highway when you hit a fork in the road, so to speak. Which exit will you take? a. [[Exit 7|99]] b. [[Traction Avenue|118]] c. [[Exit 999|98]]

You convert your arm into a plasma cannon and incinerate her. Do you feel any guilt? A little bit. [[Next|95]]

You enter the kitchen and open the fridge. Inside, you find the dead body of Cheryl’s mom. Then you think of something: what if Cheryl is the killer? a. [[Tell Cheryl that her mom’s dead body is Chilin’ in the fridge|51]] b. [[Kill Cheryl|92]] c. [[Interrogate Cheryl|50]]

You enter the living room. Cheryl is playing Mario-Kart: Double-Dash!! on her Nintendo GameCube. a. [[Sit down and join her|52]] b. [[Break the news to her|61]]

You walk into the living room, convert your arm into a plasma cannon, and blast Cheryl’s head off. Case closed… or is it? The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You enter the living room. You say “Cheryl, I need to ask you a few questions. [[Next|59]]

You enter a dark room, and place Cheryl into a chair next to a table. You sit on the chair opposite her. You turn on the lamp for intimidation, even though it’s not really that dark in there, and you don’t really need the lamp. You shine the lamp in Cheryl’s eyes, instantly blinding her. She lets out a shrill scream. “I’m so sorry.” You say, even though you are not sorry. What is the first question you have for Cheryl? a. [[“When is the last time you saw your mom?”|60]] b. [[“When did you first discover your mom was missing?”|89]] c. [[“Who really murdered your mother?”|90]] d. [[“Who is best pony?”|91]]

You grab a controller and ask Cheryl if you can play. She says “Sure, but I’m gonna wreck you in 150cc Star Cup.” Who do you want to choose for characters? a. [[Wario and Waluigi|53]] b. [[Koopa Troopa and Koopa Paratroopa|54]] c. [[Baby Mario and Baby Luigi|55]] d. [[King Boo and Petey Piranha|58]] e. [[Princess Daisy and Birdo|57]]

“No… no, it’s not true, you’re lying!” Cheryl screams and runs out of the room. You follow her and find Cheryl running outside. “Wait, Cheryl!” You yell as you run after her. Many questions fill your head: How did Cheryl’s mom die? Did she really fall out of a building? Who put her in the fridge? How did Cheryl know this would happen before it did? All good questions, and you need to find the answers. You find yourself in an alley. You’ve lost Cheryl. You boot up your energy sensors, only to find that there are too many humans in this city to determine Cheryl’s location. You decide to take Cheryl’s mom’s body back to your lab to further analyze the body. You get to the lab and hear crying. It’s the scientist that created you. He’s still sad that you left him. You put the body on the scanner. “HEY! TOM! YOU CAME BACK!” The scientist’s yells in excitement upon seeing you. a. [[“Stand back, old man. This is important stuff.”|63]]] b. [[“Hey, daddy.”|62]]

You choose Wario and Waluigi. Excellent Choice [[Next|56]]

You choose Koopa Troopa and Koopa Paratroopa. Good choice. [[Next|56]]

You choose Baby Mario and Baby Luigi. Not a bad choice. [[Next|56]]

The race is about to begin. It’s Sherbet Land, the first course of Star Cup. 150cc. 3… you’re ready… 2… you’re gonna wreck this pleb… 1… you look down at your controller for the first time, and… WHAT?!!!?!!? This controller has 2 c-sticks! The left stick has been replace by a c-stick! You look up at the screen and the race has already started, and you’re still at the start. You need to get your butt in gear. You decide to just deal with the screwy controller. It doesn’t take you long to catch up with the others. Soon, you and Cheryl are neck-and-neck at first place (Cheryl chose Bowser and Bowser Jr., in case you were wondering). You are both so close to the finish line, you can practically smell it. At the last second, you nail Cheryl with a green shell, and you pull ahead, winning the race! There are 3 races left in this cup, but you decide that you’ve already proven that you’re the king of Mario-Kart. You end up going on to Mario-Kart tournaments, and winning them all. But this time, you get a normal controller to use. (Cheryl explained that her dad replaced the analog stick with a c-stick on that controller because he thought it would improve his non-existent Melee skills). Anyways, you become the Mario-Kart King, and end up becoming president of the US, and soon, the world. You live a happy life in the lap of luxury. The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You choose Princess Daisy and Birdo… alright, I’m going to be honest with you. That’s a terrible choice. That’s literally the worst possible character combination in the game. Just for that, I’m going to give you a game over. Game over. [[Restart|Start]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.“The last time I saw my mom….” Cheryl thinks back to an afternoon, a little bit like this one. But only a little bit. It was raining. Cheryl asked her mom not to go to work that day because she’d had a nightmare the previous night about her falling from the top floor of the building she works in, and dying. Cheryl has never seen her since. “I fear my premonition was right.” Cheryl says. She then proceeds to start crying. a. [[“Shut up. Your mom is dead. Get over it.”|61]] b. [[“Your mom is dead, Cheryl”|61]]

“Well,” she says, “it was about two weeks ago.” a. [[“When is the last time you saw your mom?”|60]] b. [[“When did you first discover your mom was missing?"|89]] c. [[“Who really murdered your mother?”|90]] d. [[“Who is best pony?”|91]]

“... My… my mother is…. dead…?” [[Next|61]]

Cheryl stares at you. “You’re… a brony?” she asks, horrified. Before you can answer, she unsheathes her sword and slices you clean in two. You’ve met your demise by the hands of a little girl. You were only kidding about that question. You were just trying to lighten the mood. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

The man seems pretty taken aback. “How dare you disrespect me! I am your creator! At least call me by my real name: Dr. Fiddlesburg.” “That’s a stupid name,” you reply, before getting back to work. “Well, it’s YOUR last name, because you are my son! Your full name is ‘Tom Petunia Fiddlesburg.’” “My middle name is Petunia?” You ask in disgust, “I have the worst name in existance.” [[Next|64]]

“Hey, you called me daddy!” he says, “But please, call me Dr. Fiddlesburg. That’s my real name, and it makes me uncomfortable when you call me daddy.” You glare at him for a minute before getting back to work. [[Next|64]]

You run the scan on the body. Sure enough, this woman has broken every bone in her body. That would explain why carrying her felt like carrying a sack of jelly. Or even jam. Speaking of jam… this woman’s bloodstream is comprised of 67% jam. There could only be one corporation responsible for this: Jam Co. That’s the answer. Cheryl’s mom must have worked at Jam Co, which has the 2nd tallest building in the world as its headquarters. So that’s the building she fell out of. Also, according to the analysis it happened 2 weeks ago. It all makes sense now. What doesn’t make sense is how it happened. Who did this to her? Was it a suicide? Or a murder? Who stuffed her body in the fridge? What now? a. [[Go to Jam Co. to investigate|65]] b. [[Go to the police to tell them of your findings|86]] c. [[Go find Cheryl to tell her what you’ve learned|88]]

You arrive at the Jam Co. headquarters. This place would make you sick if you weren’t a robot. The place has been turned into an extreme party place apparently. After talking to the secretary, you find out that the one responsible is the new CEO of the company. “How new is this new CEO? You ask her. “About 2 weeks.” she says. Of course, you think. “May I have a word with your CEO?” you ask. “Do you have an appointment?” she asks. “No,” you reply, “but I do have a plasma cannon built into my arm.” “That’s cool,” she says, “but I don’t see what that has to do with what we’re talking about.” a. [[Convert your arm into a plasma cannon and point it at her.|66]] b. [[Pull out $500 and bribe her with it.|67]] c. [[Make an appointment.|85]]

You decide to take this up with the NYPD. You walk up to the secretary in the police headquarters and start to tell him what you’ve learned so far. He replies by saying “Pfft, yeah right. Lay off the whisky, pal.” He then proceeds to take a bottle of hard vodka from under his desk and chugs the entire thing. You decide that the police won’t be any help to you. You’re on your own. Or perhaps you want to get Cheryl first? a. [[Go to Jam Co. to investigate|65]] b. [[Go find Cheryl to tell her what you’ve learned|87]]

You decide to turn on your energy sensors and try as hard as you can to locate Cheryl. She can’t be that far away, can she? You scan the entire city, but to no avail. There are too many little redhead girls giving off the same energy signature. What now? a. [[Go to Jam Co. to investigate|65]] b. [[Go to the police|86]]

“WHERE CAN I FIND THE NEW CEO,” you yell at her, while aiming your plasma cannon at her forehead. “CALM DOWN, I’LL TELL YOU!” she screams, “HE’S ON THE 671st FLOOR, YOU TERRORIST!” “Thanks,” you say as you convert your plasma cannon back into an arm. [[Next|68]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.You pull out your wallet and flash your $500 that you pickpocketed from your “dad.” “How about this?” you ask, waving it in front of her face. “She takes the $500 and says “Alright, you can go see him. He’s on the 671st floor. “Thanks,” you say, but as you turn to walk to the elevator, the secretary pulls out a shotgun. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I can’t have you telling anyone that I took a bribe. She blasts you in the back with the shotgun, and you fall. You can feel your life draining away slowly……… but then you remember: you’re a robot. You were built using the strongest possible alloy on the planet. You stand up, completely unphased. You can hear the secretary dropping her shotgun behind you. You slowly turn around and glare into her eyes. “I was going to let you live,” you say, “but now, I’ve changed my mind.” You leap forward, and deliver a hard kick to her face, sending her flying through the wall behind her. You scan her, and find her lacking life signs. You reach into her pocket and pull out the $500 and put it back into your wallet. [[Next|68]]

“Ok,” you say, “Then, can I make an appointment?” you ask. “There are no available times to see the CEO for the next 5 years.” she replies. What now? a. [[Convert your arm into a plasma cannon and point it at her.|66]] b. [[Pull out $500 and bribe her with it.|67]]

You board the elevator, and press the button that says “671.” The elevator slowly starts to rise. This will take a while. You decide to take a nap to recharge a bit. You fall asleep for 5 hours. When you wake up, the elevator is on the 344th floor. Dang. You go back to sleep, and sleep for 7 hours. When you wake up, you’re on the 356th floor. Something is very wrong here. You decide to stay awake to see what’s up. The elevator seems to be going at a decent pace, so what’s the deal? You look at the number above the door… 356… 357… 358... 358… 125… 126… wait, what?! These numbers are bogus! You pry open the door to find that you are on the top floor, and you have been for 12 hours. Someone wanted you to think that you were always below this floor. Someone doesn’t want you here. There is only one door on this floor. Above the door, there is a plaque that says, “In loving memory of Guadeloupe.” Who knows what that means. a. [[Enter the room, guns blazing.|70]] b. [[Knock on the door.|84]] c. [[Jump out the window because you are scared.|69]]

You kick open the door, with your arms fully converted into plasma cannons, ready to punish some thugs. Unfortunately, the office is unoccupied… or so it appears… You walk in. You notice the window is open. You climb out the window and on to the roof, only to find a helicopter taking off. That thug is running away from you! a. [[Jump on the helicopter|71]] b. [[Shoot down the helicopter|83]]

You knock on the door, but there is no answer. You open the door a tad to peek inside. Unfortunately, the office is unoccupied… or so it appears… You walk in. You notice the window is open. You climb out the window and on to the roof, only to find a helicopter taking off. That thug is running away from you! a. [[Jump on the helicopter|71]] b. [[Shoot down the helicopter|83]]

You’re terrified of what lies behind that door. Instead of facing your fears, you crash through the glass window, and plummet 671 flights. When you hit the ground, the impact damages your energy source, a tesseract, which causes a massive explosion, killing you (obviously), but also bringing down the entire Jam Co. tower. This kills thousands of people on both the inside and outside of the building, but at least, if Cheryl’s mom’s killer was in there, he’s dead now… or is he? The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You leap up and grab on to the helicopter. You can hear a voice from inside saying, “Get this piece of junk off of my ride!” A scarily large man opens the door and points his military-style assault rifle at your face. You grab him by the collar and throw him upwards. He hits the spinning blades, and is chopped into a million bloody pieces. You go through the door, and point your cannon, only to find that… there is no one there. There is just a cassette tape repeatedly playing “Get this piece of junk off my ride!” It was a decoy. a. [[Point your arm cannon at the pilot and ask him where the CEO went. |73]] b. [[Jump off the helicopter.|72]]

You shoot down the helicopter with your plasma cannon. It falls all the way down and hits the base of the tower. The explosion causes the tower to be structurally unstable, and the tower falls, taking you with it and killing thousands of people inside and outside of the tower. The impact damages your energy source, a tesseract, which causes yet another massive explosion, killing you (obviously) and killing another thousand or so people. But at least that CEO is dead… isn’t he? The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You threaten the pilot to tell you where the CEO went. He looks deep into your eyes and says “HAKUNA MATATA” and leaps out of the helicopter. He has a parachute however, and he deploys it, allowing him to drift down slowly. However, he gets caught in a swift air current, which whips him against a nearby building, damaging his frontal lobe and killing him instantly. You go to jump out of the helicopter on to the Jam Co tower, but then you find out that the helicopter has flown a considerable distance from the building, at least a mile or so. You’ll have to fly the helicopter back and land it. Easy. You get into the pilot’s seat and look down at the controls. You then realize: You don’t know how to fly a helicopter. Which button will you press? a. [[The red one|76]] b. [[The orange one|75]] c. [[The purple one|74]] d. [[The white one|77]]

You leap off the helicopter in the hopes that you’ll find the little punk before he gets away. Unfortunately, you miss the building and plummet 671 flights. When you hit the ground, the impact damages your energy source, a tesseract, which causes a massive explosion, killing you (obviously), but also bringing down the entire Jam Co. tower. This kills thousands of people on both the inside and outside of the building, but at least, if the CEO was in there, he’s dead now… or is he? The end [[Restart|Start]]

Red’s a cool color. You press the red button, hoping that the helicopter won’t self-destruct. The helicopter, luckily, does not self-destruct. Unfortunately, the engine cuts, sending the helicopter plummeting to the ground. You press the red button again in an attempt to turn the engine back on. This causes the helicopter to play “City Escape” by Crush 40. The helicopter hits the ground. You survive, but the impact damages your energy source, a tesseract, which causes a massive explosion, killing you (obviously), but also utterly obliterating many of the surrounding buildings. This kills thousands of people, and it’s all because you pressed the red button. Well at least you died listening to “City Escape” by Crush 40. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

Orange is your favorite color. You press the orange button. This turns on the radio. It’s a news channel. A voice says “Yes Eugene, the hunt for Atlantis is still on. However, recently, one of our search boats mysteriously exploded into flames. There are no known survivors, however, there were 31 men on that boat, and we only found 30 bodies. One of the lifeboats was also missing-” You try to turn off the radio by pressing the orange button again. However, this causes the helicopter to self-destruct. Luckily, you survive the explosion, because you are a powerful robot. You then plummet about 671 flights. When you hit the ground, the impact damages your energy source, a tesseract, which causes a massive explosion, killing you (obviously), but also utterly obliterating many of the surrounding buildings. This kills thousands of people, and it’s all because you pressed the orange button. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

Purple’s a nice color. You press the purple button. It causes the helicopter to self-destruct. However, you survive the explosion, because you are a powerful robot. You then plummet about 671 flights. When you hit the ground, the impact damages your energy source, a tesseract, which causes a massive explosion, killing you (obviously), but also utterly obliterating many of the surrounding buildings. This kills thousands of people, and it’s all because you pressed the purple button. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

White is the combination of all colors, so you press the white button. The helicopter’s radio turns on. A voice says “Yes Eugene, the hunt for Atlantis is still on. However, recently, one of our search boats mysteriously exploded into flames. There are no known survivors. However, there were 31 men on that boat, and we only found 30 bodies. One of the lifeboats was also missing-” The engine then proceeds to cut, and the helicopter starts playing “City Escape” by Crush 40. The helicopter then explodes. You start falling. On the way down, you manage to grab a seagull, and you hold it under you. This cushions the blow just enough that your energy source, a tesseract, is kept intact, and there is no damage done besides a shattered titanium rib cage. You look to the right to see Cheryl sitting next to an older boy named Tyrell and they are playing on their 3DSes. Cheryl has challenged that poor boy to a game of Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS. Tyrell never stood a chance. He gets 2-stocked before he can even blink an eye. He runs away crying. Cheryl closes her 3DS with a smirk on her face. “What a weakling,” she says. You walk up to her and tell her everything that has happened. Cheryl unsheathes her sword. “Let’s go get that CEO guy” She growls. You pick her up and sit her on your shoulders. You run all the way back to the Jam Co. tower to find a limousine leaving. It must be the CEO! a. [[Blast the limo|82]] b. [[Chase the limo|78]]

You convert your arm into a plasma cannon and shoot the limo, causing a massive explosion, killing the CEO and the driver. However, the explosion almost completely obliterated the CEO’s body so you never found out who he really was. “Thank you, Tom,” Cheryl says, “You’ve helped me avenge my mother’s death. She gives you a kiss on the cheek before running away. You never see her again. Some questions still linger in your head, though… who put Cheryl’s mom in the fridge and why? …. and how did Cheryl know your name…? The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You run after the limo thinking, “Well it’s just a limo. Those things can’t go very fast. It should be easy to catch up.” Just then, turbines sprout from the limo’s sides. With a deafening “KABOOM!” The limo takes off at the speed of sound. Why can’t anything just be easy for once? You chase after the limo. Luckily, you’re a robot so you can run pretty fast. When you are about ten feet from it, Cheryl jumps off your shoulders and lands on the limo. She slices a hole in the roof with her sword, and grabs the man inside by his collar. The man is actually a boy and he is wearing a tuxedo. The CEO of Jam Co. is a young boy? How did that happen? Oh well. Cheryl then proceeds to slash the tires, which causes the limo to spin out of control, and crash into a building, causing a massive explosion. Cheryl was able to jump off in time, though. She throws the CEO on the ground and points her sword at his throat. “What should we do with him?” she asks. a. [[“Kill him.”|79]] b. [[“Arrest him.”|80]] c. [[“It’s up to you, Cheryl. He killed your mother.”|81]]

Cheryl nods and slices off his head. The boy says “I’ll… be… back…” before going permanently silent. “Thank you, Tom,” Cheryl says, “You’ve helped me avenge my mother’s death. She gives you a kiss on the cheek before running away. You never see her again. Some questions still linger in your head, though… who put Cheryl’s mom in the fridge and why? …. and how did Cheryl know your name…? The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

Cheryl nods. You lift the CEO and sling him over your shoulder. You then walk with Cheryl back to your lab. You throw the boy into a cell that you just happen to have in your lab and lock him up. “Thank you, Tom,” Cheryl says, “You’ve helped me avenge my mother’s death. She gives you a kiss on the cheek before running away. You never see her again. Some questions still linger in your head, though… who put Cheryl’s mom in the fridge and why? …. and how did Cheryl know your name…? The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

Cheryl nods but then says “I can’t decide! You should decide instead.” a. [[“Kill him.”|79]] b. [[“Arrest him.”|80]]

You decide to turn on your energy sensors and try as hard as you can to locate Cheryl. She can’t be that far away, can she? You scan the entire city, but to no avail. There are too many little redhead girls giving off the same energy signature. You only have one option left: go to Jam Co. [[Next|65]]

You hear sirens. They’re on to you. It’s time to run. You take off running as fast as you can. You know now that the rest of your life will consist of running. Unless… you destroy all of humankind. a. [[Keep running.|97]] b. [[Unleash a noxious gas into the air which will kill all humans on the planet.|96]]

You release the gas. You live the rest of your life in sorrow because you are alone. What have you done…. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You take 7. You get completely lost. You’re in a swamp of some sort. There is a small hut here. You walk up to the hut and knock on the door. The door creaks open. Maybe it’s Yoda? Maybe it’s Shrek? You walk in and are disappointed when you do not find Yoda or Shrek. What you find instead is a giant lizard sitting in a rocking chair, knitting a scarf. The lizard has scratch marks all over its face. You realize that she is blind. “Is that you, Tortus?” She asks when you walk in. You’re about to explain that you’re not Tortus, but then she says, “Come in and have a biscuit, Tortus.” Not wanting to be rude, you come in and take a biscuit from a plate on the table. The biscuit tastes like hope and change. The lizard chuckles. “I’m knitting a scarf for you, Tortus,” she explains, “It’s going to be purple with yellow trim.” You really want to get out of this awkward situation, so you turn towards the door. “AH!” The lizard exclaims, “The scarf is finished. Take it!” a. [[Take the scarf|100]] b. [[Run-away|102]] c. [[Say “I’m not Tortus…”|101]]

You decide to take Traction Avenue. It leads you to a small village. Upon arrival, you find it appears to be empty. Or at least, everyone is inside their house. What a stereotypical setup. You knock on a door. No answer. You bang on the door. No answer. You ring the doorbell. No answer. You break down the door. No answer. You step inside. No answer. A man runs up to you with a shotgun. No answer. He yells, “Leave us alone, you filthy robot!” No answer. He shoots you. No answer. The bullets have no effect. No answer. You wonder how this man knew that you were a robot. A small girl walks up behind him and says “No, dad, that’s not a robot, that’s a regular human you doof.” “Oh,” the man says, “So you’re not the Omnibot™.” “What’s an Omnibot™?” You ask. The man explains that the Omnibot™ is a gigantic robot that terrorizes the village constantly. It’s planning to steal the man’s daughter (whose name is Pocha-pocha) and force her to marry him! How awful! What will you do? a. [[Stay to fight the Omnibot™|120]] b. [[Leave the village. It’s not your problem.|119]]

You take exit 999. It leads to an open field. That’s weird. You look around, and you don’t see anything. There aren’t even any cows. The sky is a dark grey and the wind is whipping up. Is there a storm coming? No. A bright light shines on you from a above, immobilizing you. You start to float up in the air, against your will. You shut down. When you wake up, you find that you are on a cold metal bed. Your chest plate has been opened. Your bed is surrounded by aliens. They’ve been examining you. The aliens think that you are a human, and they decide that humans are too strong to leave alone. So, they decide to invade the planet. But not before destroying you. They throw you into a furnace which melts you into liquid instantly. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You take the scarf and put it on. You look very cool. It also raises your speed by 20 points. Not bad. You say, “Thank you, but I must be going now,” hoping that she won’t hear your voice and realize that you’re not Tortus. She doesn’t seem to notice. She says, “All right Tortus, but make sure to come visit your old woman every once and a while!” You say, “Sure thing,” and run out the door. What now? a. [[Run to the docks and get on a boat.|106]] b. [[Run into the woods and make a house.|111]]

You decide not to take something that wasn’t intended for you. You bolt out the door. The lizard screams behind you, “Tortus, you old fool! Come get your scarf!” What will you do now? a. [[Go and get your scarf|100]] b. [[Run to the docks and get on a boat|103]] c. [[Run into the woods and make a house|116]]

You say, “Sorry lizard lady, I’m not Tortus,” but she replies with “Nonsense! I’d know my Tortus anywhere! Come, take your new scarf! Wear it with pride!” a. [[Take the scarf|100]] b. [[Run-away|102]]

You decide to run to the docks, get on a boat, and see where it takes you. Life on the run, you know? Upon arriving at the docks, you discover that a bear is on the loose. It’s wrecking the place! And then it turns towards you. You decide, “Well, I’m a super strong robot, I’ll be able to defeat this bear, easily!” But then the bear roars and blue fire shoots out of its mouth, melting the steel hull of a nearby cargo ship, causing it to sink. Now what? a. [[Fight the bear|104]] b. [[Run away from the bear|107]]

You decide to go live life as a hermit in the woods. Upon entering the woods, you encounter a bear. The bear roars, which causes red lightning to shoot out of her mouth. a. [[Fight the bear|112]] b. [[Run away from the bear|113]]

You decide to fight this bear. It can breathe fire, but so what? It’s still just a bear. You charge at it, and it shoots blue fire at you, instantly liquefying you. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

This is one scary bear. Sometimes, you just gotta know when to bail. You turn around and run as hard as you can, but the bear runs after you. You can easily outrun the bear, but not his blue fireballs. The bear shoots a giant blue fireball, instantly liquefying you. Maybe if you had accepted the lizard lady’s scarf, you would have been able to run fast enough. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

This is one scary bear. Sometimes, you just gotta know when to bail. You turn around and run as hard as you can, but the bear runs after you. Outrunning this bear is no challenge at all, but outrunning his blue fireballs might be hard. Luckily, the extra speed that you gained from wearing the scarf is enough to outrun even the speediest of balls. Where will you lead the bear? a. [[The woods|108]] b. [[The ocean|110]] c. [[The police station|109]]

You decide to lead the bear into the woods because that is a bear’s natural habitat. The bear continues to shoot blue fire everywhere, which soon starts a blue forest fire. Millions of innocent lives are lost, including your own. You are unable to escape the forest before the blue fire liquefies you. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You lead the bear into the ocean, because the bear’s blue fire won’t work under water. Once the bear realizes that his powers don’t work, he tries to swim back to the surface, but you grab him and take him further down. After a few minutes, the bear drowns. You decide to swim back up to the surface. You are greeted by applause. For defeating the bear, you are pardoned for your previous crimes, and you are awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, and the key to the city. You go on to become the mayor, then the governor, and finally, the president of the whole country. The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to lead the bear to the police station so he can be arrested. Unfortunately, once you reach the city, you are put under arrest for the shenanigans you pulled the last time you were here. The bear is awarded the Nobel peace prize and the key to the city for bringing you here. You spend the rest of your miserable life in prison, and the bear becomes the mayor of NYC, and soon, the governor, and then the president. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

It’s just a bear, how hard could it be to take her down? You charge at her, but she shoots red lightning at you, which causes you to short circuit and die. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

This is one scary bear. You decide it’s best to run away. You turn around and start running. Thanks to your new scarf, you can outrun even the red lightning. Where will you lead the bear? a. [[To the lizard lady’s house|115]] b. [[To the police station|109]] c. [[To the ocean|114]]

You wonder if perhaps the lizard lady will know what to do. You lead the bear over to the lizard lady’s house. Upon arrival, the bear roars at the top of her lungs. The lizard lady hears this and says, “Oh, Tibbers? Is that you? I’ve missed you, Tibbers! Thank you for bringing my precious pet Tibbers back to me, Tortus! As a reward, I present this gift to you: a warm quiche.” You sit down and eat the quiche. The love that the quiche was made with fills every circuit in your body. You feel happy for the first time in your life. You decide to head back to the city to start a new life. “Take care, Tortus! Come visit me some time!” The lizard lady says as you leave. The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to take the bear to the ocean. You run to the docks and dive in. The bear shoots her red lightning at the water, instantly electrocuting everything in and on the ocean. Millions of lives are lost, including your own. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

This is one scary bear. You decide it’s best to run away. You turn around and start running. You are easily able to outrun the bear, but not the red lightning. The red lightning hits you in the back, causing you to short circuit and die. Maybe if you had taken the scarf you would have been fast enough. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to show this Omnibot™ who the strongest robot really is. You decide to stick around. Soon, it’s 6:28 pm. All is tranquil and silent except for the crickets in the grass and the frogs in the nearby pond. All of a sudden, a loud “BOOM!” is heard. A giant robot looms overhead. It’s the Omnibot™. Obviously. The Omnibot yells in his Russian accent, “Oh, little Pocha-pocha! I’ve come to marry you!” “Hey!” you yell up at him, “That girl is only 8, you cannot marry her!” The Omnibot™ replies with a burp. “How rude!” you yell, “Well I’m a robot too, and I’m going to destroy you!” The Omnibot™ chuckles and says, “Bring it on, little bug!” a. [[Attack|127]] b. [[Special|129]] c. [[Item|122]] d. [[Run-away|121]]

. You say, “Well guys, sorry to hear that. I’ll take my leave now.” You run out the door and out of the village, and arrive at the fork in the road again. Which way will you take this time? a. [[Exit 7|99]] b. [[Exit 999|98]]

You decide to use a physical attack against the Omnibot™ because you’re dang strong. You jump up and kick the Omnibot™ straight in the face, dealing a whopping zero damage. Good. a. [[Attack|127]] b. [[Special|130]] c. [[Item|122]] d. [[Run away|121]]

You use a special attack. You convert your arm into a plasma cannon, dealing zero damage. Good. a. [[Attack|128]] b. [[Special|129]] c. [[Run away|121]]

You decide to use an item. You reach into your pocket and pull out a half-eaten muffin. a. [[Eat the muffin|123]] b. [[Throw the muffin at the Omnibot™|124]]

You decide that there’s no way you can beat this robot, he’s way too big and strong. You turn to run, but the Omnibot™ blasts you with his Vodka Laser™, which evaporates you. The Omnibot™ ends up marrying Pocha-pocha. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You eat the muffin. It boosts your power by 54 point(s). a. [[Attack|125]] b. [[Special|126]] c. [[Run away|121]]

You whip the half-eaten muffin at the Omnibot™ as hard as you can. The Omnibot™ easily deflects it with one of his claws, sending the muffin back at you at the speed of light. Upon hitting you, it deals 70 damage. a. [[Attack|128]] b. [[Special|129]] c. [[Run away|121]]

You decide to use a physical attack against the Omnibot™ because you’re pretty dang strong. You jump up and kick the Omnibot™ straight in the face, dealing a whopping zero damage. Good. a. [[Attack|125]] b. [[Special|126]] c. [[Item|122]] d. [[Run|121]]

With the power of the muffin surging through you, you decide to go for a special attack. You convert your arm into a Corgi Cannon™. You blast the corgis at the Omnibot™, dealing 700 damage, but that’s not all: The corgis stay on him! They start to chomp away at the Omnibot™. He yells “No! Please! Get these disgusting rodents off me!” You say “Sorry pal. I couldn’t call off these corgis if I wanted to.” After a good 3 hours or so, the corgis have completely eaten the Omnibot™. The village has praised you for what you’ve done. They appoint you as the village protector. You decide… why not? You live the rest of your life as the village’s protector. But that’s another story… perhaps you’ll learn of it in Cause & Effect 2? The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You use a special attack. You convert your arm into a plasma cannon, dealing zero damage. Good. a. [[Attack|125]] b. [[Special|130]] c. [[Item|122]] d. [[Run|121]]

You pick up the energy blaster. Yeah! It’s a projectile weapon, so of course you’d choose that one! You walk out the door to find yourself in a dark dank hallway. It’s the dankest hallway you’ve ever seen. Strange, considering your room was brightly lit and had polished wood flooring. You ready your energy blaster. There may be enemies ahead. You walk down the hallway and realize there are windows on either side of the hall, whose curtains are closed. You pull back the curtains on one of them and look out to see a fish glaring at you. Yes, a fish. You’re underwater! You must be in Atlantis. So it never really was a dream, was it? You continue to walk down the hallway, and enter the door at the end. You are in a throne room. Atop the throne sits King Neptriteidon. He stares at you with glowing white eyes. “What do you want, puny land man?” a. [[“I want to be a merman”|136]] b. [[“I want to be a squid”|134]] c. [[“I want to fight you”|141]] d. [[“I want a pet shark”|135]] e. [[“I want to go home”|140]]

You pick up the katana. Yeah! It’s a melee weapon, so of course you’d choose that one! You walk out the door to find yourself in a dark dank hallway. It’s the dankest hallway you’ve ever seen. Strange, considering your room was brightly lit and had polished wood flooring. You ready your energy blaster. There may be enemies ahead. You walk down the hallway and realize there are windows on either side of the hall, whose curtains are closed. You pull back the curtains on one of them and look out to see a fish glaring at you. Yes, a fish. You’re underwater! You must be in Atlantis. So, it never really was a dream, was it? You continue to walk down the hallway, and enter the door at the end. You are in a throne room. Atop the throne sits King Neptriteidon. He stares at you with glowing white eyes. “What do you want, puny land man?” a. [[“I want to be a merman”|148]] b. [[“I want to be a squid”|134]] c. [[“I want to fight you”|150]] d. [[“I want a pet shark”|135]] e. [[“I want to go home”|140]]

You pick up the corgi. Yeah! It’s an adorable animal, so of course you’d choose that one! You walk out the door to find yourself in a dark dank hallway. It’s the dankest hallway you’ve ever seen. Strange, considering your room was brightly lit and had polished wood flooring. You ready your energy blaster. There may be enemies ahead. You walk down the hallway and realize there are windows on either side of the hall, whose curtains are closed. You pull back the curtains on one of them and look out to see a fish glaring at you. Yes, a fish. You’re underwater! You must be in Atlantis. So it never really was a dream, was it? You continue to walk down the hallway, and enter the door at the end. You are in a throne room. Atop the throne sits King Neptriteidon. He stares at you with glowing white eyes. “What do you want, puny land man?” a. [[“I want to be a merman”|157]] b. [[“I want to be a squid”|134]] c. [[“I want to fight you” |159]] d. [[“I want a pet shark”|135]] e. [[“I want to go home”|140]]

“I want to be a merman!” You tell him. He squints at you for 34 seconds before saying “The surgery is long and painful. Are you sure you’re ready?” You say “Wait a second, painful? Aren’t you going to sedate me or something?” He chuckles and says “Naaaah, us merpeople haven’t invented sedatives yet!” Are you sure you want to go through with this? a. [[Heck yeah!|139]] b. [[Heck no!|137]]

The King stares intensely at you for 34 seconds before saying “Well, you’re a kid now…” and then a loud bang and flash, and then he says “...You’re a squid now…” You live the rest of your life as a squid. You’re happy now. You’re a squid now, brother. The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You pull out your energy blaster and declare, “I’M GOING TO FIGHT YOU!” The king seems calm. He zaps lightning at you, but you dodge it because you are faster than lightning. Now it’s your turn. a. [[Zap him with your energy blaster|146]] b. [[Run up and punch him|142]]

“I want to have a pet shark, please!” You tell him. He looks at you intently for 34 seconds before saying “Well, OK then.” A bright light fills the room, and behold, your new pet shark is in front of you. You decide to name him Caitlyn the Shark. Caitlyn eats you. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You ask the king if you can go home. He laughs right in your face for 34 seconds. “No, you may not go home, you Slubberdegullion.” He raises his trident high in the air. The whole city begins to tremble. He starts to chant something in Tajik: “Ман хеле гурусна дорам. Ман мехоҳам, ки ошпази калон ман хуб дар қабули ғизо буд, вале ӯ нест. Лутфан ба бозгардонидани баъзе яхмос pistachio. Сипос!” He then zaps you with his trident, and the next thing you know, you are in Agrabah. It’s weird being in a wet place and then instantly going to a dry place. You see a payphone. You decide to call the Belgian embassy, because although you don’t remember who you are, you figure you’re probably Belgian. You need money to make the call. You’ll have to pick somebody’s pocket. You reach into a passerby’s pocket, only to touch something slimy. It melts into your pores. You quickly pull your hand out. The man whom the pocket belonged to seemed to not notice. You never got a good look at his face. You can feel the slime oozing up your arm inside. It’s not long before the slime reaches your heart. It’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced. You start screaming and vomiting pink slime everywhere. Passersby scream and run away. You can feel all of your intestines turn to slime. Slime starts leaking out of your eyes and ears and mouth and nose. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to undergo the long and painful process of becoming a merman. After all, you’ve always wanted to be a merman. 3 years of painful surgery later, it’s done… you’ve become a merman! However, with the removal of your genitalia, you find yourself unable to urinate. This causes an excruciating bladder infection. This eventually gives you bladder cancer, and you die. On your deathbed, you ask the king in your last dying breath how merpeople avoid this problem. He grins at you, bends down, and whispers in your ear: “We don’t.” The end. [[Restart|Start]]

“WELL THEN, WHAT DO YOU WANT?” The king yells with a booming voice. [[Next|138]]

You shoot the king with your energy blaster, but he deflects it with his finger. He headbutts you, crushing your skull and brain, killing you instantly. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You have a lot of confidence in your physical strength. After all, you’ve done 671 sit-ups every day for the past day. You run up to him and punch him as hard as you can in the shin, but it goes right through him! Then you realize, he had turned himself into water at the last second. What a neat trick. He’s behind you now. You turn around to face him. He glares at you with his blank white eyes, and chuckles for 34 seconds. He zaps two squidmen into existence. They run up to you and ensnare you in their tentacles. It’s slimy and gross. You then learn of the squidmen’s electrical powers. They zap you with their tentacles. It hurts. They zap you again. You struggle to free yourself, but you just can’t. They zap you again. You can feel life fading from your body. You beg King Neptriteidon to tell his squidfriends to free you. The king laughs hard. The squidmen zap you one last time, and you die. The squidmen drop your lifeless body to the ground. But you were only pretending to be dead. a. [[Jump up and beat up the squidmen|144]] b. [[Jump up and beat up the king|145]] c. [[Stay down and play dead|143]]

You jump up and surprise attack the squidmen. You rip out the brain of one squidman and stuff it down the throat of the other. This kills both of them. Now you must face King Neptriteidon alone. You shoot the king with your energy blaster, but he deflects it with his finger. He headbutts you, crushing your skull and brain, killing you instantly. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You jump up and run at the king. The squidmen instantly entangle you in their tentacles once again. They electrocute you until you die, for real this time. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide that the smartest thing is to lay low for now, so you continue to play dead. Eventually, you die of starvation. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You pull out your katana and declare, “I’M GOING TO FIGHT YOU!” The king seems calm. He zaps lightning at you, but you dodge it because you are faster than lightning. Now it’s your turn. a. [[Slice him with your katana|155]] b. [[Run up and punch him|151]]

“WELL THEN, WHAT DO YOU WANT?” The king yells with a booming voice. What do you want from the king? a. [[“I want to be a merman”|148]] b. [[“I want to be a squid”|134]] c. [["want to fight you” |150]] d. [[“I want a pet shark”|135]] e. [[“I want to go home”|140]]

You jump up 50 feet in the air, and come down with your katana, but the katana shatters on contact with the king’s skin. He headbutts you, crushing your skull and brain, killing you instantly. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You have a lot of confidence in your physical strength. After all, you’ve done 671 sit-ups every day for the past day. You run up to him and punch him as hard as you can in the shin, but it goes right through him! Then you realize, he had turned himself into water at the last second. What a neat trick. He’s behind you now. You turn around to face him. He glares at you with his blank white eyes, and chuckles for 34 seconds. He zaps two squidmen into existence. They run up to you and ensnare you in their tentacles. It’s slimy and gross. You then learn of the squidmen’s electrical powers. They zap you with their tentacles. It hurts. They zap you again. You struggle to free yourself, but you just can’t. They zap you again. You can feel life fading from your body. You beg King Neptriteidon to tell his squidfriends to free you. The king laughs hard. The squidmen zap you one last time, and you die. The squidmen drop your lifeless body to the ground. But you were only pretending to be dead. a. [[Jump up and beat up the squidmen|153]] b. [[Jump up and beat up the king|154]] c. [[Stay down and play dead|152]]

You jump up and surprise attack the squidmen. You rip out the brain of one squidman and stuff it down the throat of the other. This kills both of them. Now you must face King Neptriteidon alone. You jump up 50 feet in the air, and come down with your katana, but the katana shatters on contact with the king’s skin. He headbutts you, crushing your skull and brain, killing you instantly. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You jump up and run at the king. The squidmen instantly entangle you in their tentacles once again. They electrocute you until you die, for real this time. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide that the smartest thing is to lay low for now, so you continue to play dead. Eventually, you die of starvation. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You pull out your corgi and declare, “I’M GOING TO FIGHT YOU!” The king seems calm. He zaps lightning at you, but you dodge it because you are faster than lightning. Now it’s your turn. a. [[Let the corgi loose|164]] b. [[Run up and punch him|160]]

“WELL THEN, WHAT DO YOU WANT?” The king yells with a booming voice. What do you want from the king? a. [[“I want to be a merman”|157]] b. [[“I want to be a squid” |134]] c. [[“I want to fight you”|159]] d. [[“I want a pet shark”|135]] e. [[“I want to go home” |140]]

You unleash the corgi. It teleports to the king’s shoulder, and sinks its fangs deep inside his neck. The king screams in agony. The corgi then vomits magma all over the king. The king screams from the excruciating pain, before melting away into a pile of molten flesh. The corgi yaps happily and runs over to you. You feed the corgi nuclear waste as a treat. He loves it. Without King Nedptrideidon’s power, the great city of Atlantis begins to crumble. You need to escape. [[Next|165]]

You have a lot of confidence in your physical strength. After all, you’ve done 671 sit-ups every day for the past day. You run up to him and punch him as hard as you can in the shin, but it goes right through him! Then you realize, he had turned himself into water at the last second. What a neat trick. He’s behind you now. You turn around to face him. He glares at you with his blank white eyes, and chuckles for 34 seconds. He zaps two squidmen into existence. They run up to you and ensnare you in their tentacles. It’s slimy and gross. You then learn of the squidmen’s electrical powers. They zap you with their tentacles. It hurts. They zap you again. You struggle to free yourself, but you just can’t. They zap you again. You can feel life fading from your body. You beg King Neptriteidon to tell his squidfriends to free you. The king laughs hard. The squidmen zap you one last time, and you die. The squidmen drop your lifeless body to the ground. But you were only pretending to be dead. a. [[Jump up and beat up the squidmen|162]] b. [[Jump up and beat up the king|163]] c. [[Stay down and play dead|161]]

You jump up and surprise attack the squidmen. You rip out the brain of one squidman and stuff it down the throat of the other. This kills both of them. Now you must face King Neptriteidon alone. You unleash the corgi. It teleports to the king’s shoulder, and sinks its fangs deep inside his neck. The king screams in agony. The corgi then vomits magma all over the king. The king screams from the excruciating pain, before melting away into a pile of molten flesh. The corgi yaps happily and runs over to you. You feed the dead squidmen to the corgi as a treat for doing such a good job. Without King Nedptrideidon’s power, the great city of Atlantis begins to crumble. You need to escape. [[Next|165]]

You jump up and run at the king. The squidmen instantly entangle you in their tentacles once again. They electrocute you until you die, for real this time. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide that the smartest thing is to lay low for now, so you continue to play dead. Eventually, you die of starvation. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

How will you escape? a. [[By taking the escape pod. Duh.|166]] b. [[By swimming back to the surface. Duh.|168]] c. [[By appealing to the gods. Duh.|167]] d. [[By dying a happy death with your pet corgi. Duh.|169]]

You and your corgi board the escape pod, and are prepared for takeoff. You take off just before Atlantis explodes. Unfortunately, the escape pod goes really slow, so it takes a while to get to the surface. In the meantime, your corgi gets hungry and eats you. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to do the easiest thing and swim back to the surface. You leap out the window and start swimming, with your corgi following close behind. But you swim up too quickly. The rapid decrease of pressure surrounding your body causes nitrogen bubbles to fizz in your blood, and your lungs expand to thrice their normal size. You explode and die. The corgi reaches the surface safely and eats your remains. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to kneel and pray to the gods for survival. You eventually reach out to the god of lightning and stuff. His name is Zeupiter. You beg to him for forgiveness, but he’s mad that you killed his brother, Neptriteidon. So, he zaps you with lightning and you die. Then Zeupiter takes your corgi as his pet, and makes him the guardian of the Other World. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide that it’s hopeless. An escape attempt would be futile. You hold your corgi in your arms. A single tear trickles down your cheek because you know that it’s all over. Maybe you shouldn’t have fought King Neptriteidon. Atlantis explodes with you inside it. But then you wake up. You are on an island called Ayapap island. How did you get here? You ask your corgi. The corgi explains that he felt your sorrow and created a bubble of love around you, shielding you from the explosion. He then swam you over to this island with you. You’d finally discovered Atlantis and then promptly blew it up. You decide to live a peaceful life on this island. You find out later that this island is home to a tribe of vicious cannibals, but it’s not a problem because your corgi manages to kill them all. Eventually, a surviving cannibal summons the god of death, Plutades, to find you by sacrificing himself to the god. Plutades emerges. He is 800 feet tall. Even your corgi isn’t strong enough to fight him. You and your corgi have no choice but to do the fusion dance. You do it, and become “Borgi, the bane of gods.” You’re easily able to defeat Plutades. You win, and continue to live your peaceful life on the island. The end. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You hate aliens. It’s time to fight. “Come on, Guadeloupe,” you say, “It’s time to kick some booty.” You look back at Guadeloupe, but all you see is a blood splatter on the ground. Oh. I guess you’re on your own. You confront the aliens. “It’s been so long since we’ve had visitors,” Phaimnop explains, “We’ve been awfully lonely down here. Thank you for visiting.” You smirk at him and say, “You’re welcome. NOW, IT’S TIME TO DIE!” a. [[Kamehameha|173]] b. [[Dodon Ray|175]] c. [[Dropkick attack|174]]

You pick up Guadeloupe and yell “Sorry, guys! Gotta juice!” You start to run away, but then you notice: You’re not holding Guadeloupe. It’s a pulsating human heart. So Guadeloupe must still be at the entrance! The heart grins at you and says “Vamos, Skippito.” It then self-destructs. You die. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You do the pose. “KA…. ME… HA… ME…” “What are you doing?!” Phaimnop yells in terror. “He’s going to kill us all! Another alien yells. “TAKE COVER!” “HAAAAA!” You unleash the wave of energy, incinerating all of the aliens instantly. Unfortunately, it causes an explosion, which makes the temple structurally unsound. Rocks start falling and the ground starts trembling. You need to get out of there. Too late. The ceiling falls and crushes the life out of you. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to use a Dodon Ray. You yell “DODON RAY!” And you start to shoot energy beams out of your index finger. The first beam pierces Phaimnop’s forehead, killing him instantly. You kill a few more aliens, until one alien charges you with a laser spear. Fortunately, you see him coming from a mile away, and you blast him through the gut with a dodon ray, and he falls to the ground, motionless. Soon, all 671 aliens in the temple are dead on the ground. You decide to go find Guadeloupe, if he’s still alive. You walk through the temple, blasting rats with your dodon ray for the sole purpose of having light. Eventually, you reach a weird machine that appears to have been built by the aliens. You see Guadeloupe sitting on the leather seat inside the machine. He invites you to join him. You do. “What is this thing?” You ask him. Guadeloupe presses a button on the dashboard, and sends you hurtling through space and time. It’s a time machine! [[Next|3]]

You are very confident in your dropkicking skills. You run up to Phaimnop. You see the sheer terror in his eyes. You perform a beautifully executed dropkick. You go literally right through him. Blood and guts splatter everywhere. The temple is filled with the screams of the aliens. “Please, have mercy!” one alien cries. “I’m not falling for that one!” You say and continue to dropkick them to death. Unfortunately, one alien pulls out a laser spear and pierces you in the brain with it. You die. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to lead off with an uppercut. Chopper’s head flies clean off! You didn’t mean to kill him! Maybe you’ve become too strong… “Don’t worry about it,” a random woman says, “Don’t worry, we’ll eat him for dinner tonight.” This makes you uncomfortable, but you decide to move on anyway. Your next fight is against Tyrell Dijon Ellis, a new recruit from New York City. After getting his butt kicked in Smash 3DS by a small redhead girl, he decided that life is meaningless, and went to join the Ayapap cannibal tribe. He’s big and muscular, and has sharp fangs. The referee yells “START!” Tyrell leads off the match by saying “Expanding Dong!” And whirling his arm around rapidly, preparing his infamous “Dong Punch”, which can destroy any type of matter. “They say matter cannot be created or destroyed,” Tyrell growls, “But whoever said that clearly never experienced a DONG PUNCH!” Tyrell’s arm is whirling around so fast, it’s completely invisible. The ground starts the tremble and crack. Tyrell’s hand catches on fire, giving the appearance of a spinning ring of fire in midair. Thunder rumbles, and lightning is cast down from the sky. Flocks of birds fly off the island. The ocean waves get bigger and bigger, until 100 foot waves are crashing onto the shore. The fabric of the universe starts to bend around Tyrell’s arm. Time becomes askew. Dinosaurs start appearing and disappearing. Dead people rise from their graves. Sonic booms are resounding around the arena. Nonexistent creatures start bursting from rips in the space-time continuum. Tyrell approaches you slowly. He’s going to punch you. What now? a. [[Block|179]] b. [[Dodge|180]] c. [[Do nothing|181]]

You take a defensive position. Chopper runs up and unleashes a flurry of punches, but you block all of them. Unfortunately, his last punch sends you flying, even though you blocked it. Your head smashes against a wall, knocking you out. When you wake up, the tournament is over. You’ve lost. You commit seppuku. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to catch Tyrell off-guard by running up and blocking. He punches you. The universe ceases to exist. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

Tyrell swings at you, but you dodge. The shockwave sends ripples through the fabric of the universe, ripping a hole in time and space, and ending the existence of existence. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide that it’s pointless to resist, so you just stand there. Tyrell loves this. He decides to charge his Dong Punch a bit longer since you’re just standing there. He continues to charge, and eventually, a black hole is created, and Tyrell is swallowed up. All that’s left is a pile of prehistoric lizards that traveled here via a rip in time and space that Tyrell created. Although technically, Tyrell never created it, because Tyrell never existed, because every version of him throughout time and space has been obliterated. No one remembers Tyrell because he didn’t exist. In fact, I should just delete this entire section since he never existed. But I’m not going to, because Tyrell deserves to have some recognition, even after being swallowed up by time. You stand there in the arena. You look around at the otherwise empty arena, and wonder why you don’t have an opponent. The judges look confused. “Why does this man not have an opponent?” one asks, “Go get him one.” Your next opponent is space. You can’t breathe in space. You die. ☺ [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to make friends with the tiger. You slowly approach her. You give her a pat on the head. She roars. You pat her again. After about an hour of this, she finally becomes tame. You name her Jara, with a soft J. You climb on her back and start to ride out of the forest. You try to remember the way back home, but you just can’t. You wander around aimlessly. You start to get really hungry. a. [[Eat Jara|uncomplete]] b. [[Eat the honey in a beehive|187]]

You see a beehive on a tree branch and decide that you really want the honey inside. However, there are bees flying all around the hive. You decide to use your ninja quick acrobatic skills to snatch the nest. You jump up 15 feet in the air and grab the nest. You blow a raspberry at the bees on your way down. You jump on Jara’s back and yell “LET’S GO!” Jara takes off at a solid 60 mph. The bees, however, are following close behind, buzzing angrily. “We’ll never catch her,” one bee says. “Don’t be so negative, I’m sure even tigers run out of stamina!” another one says. “Forget this,” a third bee says, “Let’s call the queen,” “But the last time we summoned the queen, she destroyed an entire country!” a fourth bee exclaims. “It’s worth a shot,” says the fifth bee. “Is it, though?” the sixth bee asks. “I think it’s better than losing our home!” the seventh bee says. “We need that honey, baby.” The eighth and ninth bee say in perfect unison. They’re always like that. “I think we should try to kill the thief ourselves,” says the 20th bee. “No way, we’re too small!” said the 671st bee. “We can do it guys!” says the 54.75th bee. “That’s it,” says the 0th bee, “I’m summoning the queen!” He starts to chant an ancient poem, designed for summoning monsters. Thunder rumbles, and a bumblebee the size of a minivan emerges from the storm clouds. She’s flashing random colors, and lightning is constantly being cast from her stinger. A tall crown perches on her head. a. [[Fight the queen|190]] b. [[Run away!|189]] c. [[Hold the little bee’s hostage|188]]

This queen doesn’t look so tough. You tell Jara to stop, and you hop off. You stare the queen straight in eyes. You rip oven the hive and drink half of the honey (this takes about an hour though, because honey has high viscosity). You hand the hive over to Jara so that she can have her share. The queen is fuming mad. She roars and fire blasts out of her mouth. a. [[Jump on the queen’s head|191]] b. Throw a rock at the queen’s forehead c. Throw Jara at the queen

There’s no other way to get out of this. You’ll have to run away. You take off running, but you can’t run faster than lightning. A huge bolt of lightning shoots from the queen’s stinger. It hits you and kills you instantly. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You decide to hold the little bee’s hostage to try to make the queen let you go. You grab the little bees, and they all sting you at once, injecting you with their poison, killing you instantly. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

You leap up and land on the queen’s head, stunning her. Unfortunately, while you are up in the air, you are hit by a plane. You crash through the window and land next to the co-pilot. “Who are you?” The co-pilot asks. You stand up, feeling a little tipsy. Just then, the security man comes in and knocks you over the head with a metal chair. Who knows why he had a metal chair on a plane. Anyway, this knocks you out cold. When you wake up, you feel like you’ve been sleeping for days. You then realize that there are 90 mile an hour winds whipping against your face. You look around and see nothing but clouds. You’ve been tied to the bottom of the plane. Oh dear. a. [[Cut the rope and fall|192]] b. [[Wait|uncomplete]]

You chomp down on the rope, which splits it into pieces. You start to fall. You fall through the clouds. You fall faster and faster. You fall so fast, you catch fire. You land in hot sand. You roll around in the sand to try to extinguish the fire, but the hot sand just makes the fire bigger and brighter. The pain is excruciating. You bury yourself under the sand. It’s nice and cool down here. The fire gets extinguished. You resurface to find that you are in the middle of a desert. You chose a heck of a place to fall, huh? You look around, but all you see is sand dunes. You decide to choose a direction to start walking in. a. North b. East c. South d. [[West|193]]

You know that the sun sets in the west. You head west. You walk for 3 hours. You are dying of thirst. You look around, and see something ahead: It’s a small town! Perhaps the people there can help you. You run over to the town. It’s an old western town. The buildings are broken down. It’s sad. You yell “HELLO?!” but there is no answer. This town is abandoned… or is it? You enter the saloon, and sit at the bar. There are cobwebs and such everywhere. You yell, “HEY, BARTENDER! GRAB ME A WHISKEY, PRONTO!” even though you know that there is no bartender. You lay your head down on the counter. You hear footsteps from behind the bar. A old man walks in. “So, you want a whiskey, eh?” he cackles. “Who... who are you?!” you exclaim. “My name is Griffin. I’m the bartender. Now, did I hear that you want a whiskey?” “Um, actually I’ll just take a water,” you reply. “Certainly,” Griffin says. He pulls out a mug. You look inside the mug to find nothing but cobwebs. You look up and say “Um, I don’t mean to be rude, but…” only to find that the bartender is no longer there. You jump over the bar, and look in the back, but you can’t find him anywhere. You see a dusty photo on the wall. It’s a photo of Griffin! It says, “Griffin Smith, 1832-1933” This is very strange. Did the people who made that framed photo think that Griffin will die in 1933? That’s 4 years from now. This is spooky… a. [[Leave the town immediately | uncomplete]] b. [[Find Griffin|194]]

You decide to try to find Griffin and ask him about it. You walk up the creaky old stairs. You are now in an old dusty attic. Other than cobwebs, there is nothing up here except for a small Indian boy, wearing a nice collared shirt and a backpack. He is watching a soccer game on an iPad. His head spins around a full 180 degrees, and stares into your eyes for 34 seconds before yelling “YES.” a. [[Steal the boy’s iPad|196]] b. [[Run away from this demon child|195]]

You run up and snatch the little boy’s iPad from his hands. You plan decide to use it to email someone and get yourself out of this desert. The boy doesn’t like this, however. He runs after you at the speed of a sports car. You jump out the window, and he jumps out after you. He jumps on your shoulders and starts punching you rapidly. He may be fast, but he certainly doesn’t punch hard. You elbow him in the nose, and blood sprays everywhere. He falls down. He grabs your ankles, and you fall down as well. He chomps down hard on your leg, and you can feel blood exiting your body through the wound. You whack the boy with the iPad as hard as you can, over and over again until he stops moving. You go to examine the body, but before you can, it dissolves into pink silly putty. The silly putty clumps into a ball and flies away at the speed of a jet plane, which causes a sonic boom (4.3/10 “Bad” -IGN). The sonic boom causes all the windows in the town to shatter. The shattered glass littered on the sand reminds you that glass is basically just melted sand. You cast fireball, which melts down the entire desert into glass. The smooth glass surface makes a good slide. You get a running start and dive onto the glass, and start sliding. The extreme lack of friction causes you to slide at 900 miles per second, and you soon hit a ramp (previously a sand dune), and go flying an unknown number of miles into the air. You exit the atmosphere. This paragraph has gone on way too long, so I’m going to give a random choice to spice things up. a. Eat the bag of Cheetos in your pocket b. [[Re-enter the atmosphere|uncomplete]] c. [[Die|197]]

You decide to get the heck out of there. You run down the stairs, run out of the saloon, and run out of this crazy town before you run out of sanity. Soon, it’s midnight, and the ghost town is far behind you. You die of thirst. The end [[Restart|Start]]

You die of asphyxiation. The end. [[Restart|Start]]

Welcome To Cause And Effect: The Tragic Fate of Emmanuel The Octopus. A Game of Endless Possibilities [[Start The Game|Start]] [[Credits|Credits]]

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